Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
where are you?
Hypothermia
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
