Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
