in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
