he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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