he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
there is puke in my bra ... again
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
