I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
