i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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