Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
