best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
