Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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