I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
