For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
