3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
