i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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