At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
