Just fell off a train. Bad.
you traded sex for a burrito?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
