I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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