The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
