3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
