um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
