Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
