if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
