Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
