I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
