In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
