this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You dont lie about slip and slides
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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