If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
