so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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