She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
