Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
