So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
