Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
