Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
