I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
