Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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