we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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