All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
