just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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