You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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