Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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