He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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