I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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