drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
3pm strippers are depressing
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
