I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
