playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
