i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
