Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
