i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
