I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
