I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
